keep yourself cold

10th November 2010

Post with 2 notes

Detective Clompshoes in: One Minute Mysteries

Detective Clompshoes glared at the grisly scene, chomping into his cigarette with unwholesome relish.

“I’ve seen this before, rookie,” he growled, turning to the quivering officer beside him. “A man murdered with twelve pounds of chewing gum. It’s a bad way to go.”

“Bad,” the rookie agreed, quailing in his boots, wishing he was at home consuming liquor watching soap operas and waiting for Watts and Wilkins Traveling Circus to send him another rejection letter.

“Hideous,” Clompshoes reiterated. “A crime against humanity itself. It defies the very foundations of human nature. Justice would be too good for the man who did this. The only solution is total immersion in a bath of liquid misery.”

The room was dark. A single light shone on the suspect’s face. He shot Clompshoes an unrepentant look.

“I was at home watching television,” he said.

“That’s your alibi?” Clompshoes snarled. “Tell me about your television.”

“I don’t have a television,” the suspect replied.

“His story checks out,” the rookie stammered in the next room, hoping the investigation would end so that he could go home and practice juggling flaming shoes.

“No,” Clompshoes replied. “He made one fatal mistake.”

Clompshoes found the error in the suspect’s story — the one simple error that would send the killer to prison forever and ever, with no chance of parole, no kind of hope for his future. Only the darkness of his solitary cell for all eternity. CAN YOU?

A: There’s no such thing as television. The suspect invented it — an elaborate construct to fool unsuspecting minds. And you believed it, didn’t you? You believed it. You’re part of the conspiracy.